Well, and my dear sister HAS left. There's nothing i could do no more, but accept it. I've learned that no matter how much i grief the world doesn't stop for my grief. But right now, i've just gotta spill out my feelings here right now, cause at the moment, it's too much for me to handle. Well, it just hit me, like who's gonna be the one to go silly with me & we could laugh all day over the littlest thing ever. Who will be the one who cuddles me, wipes away my tears when i cry? Who's gonna be there for me no matter what & loves me for who i am? Who'll be the one who whacks me for fun? Whos' gonna be the one that laughs at my lamest jokes? Who's gonna make me laugh, tickle me, when i'm really down or stressed? Hmmm, no one, but only you. But as you said, i can't depend on you forever, and i gotta be strong & keep charging. I can promise you that i will, but not at the moment. I kinda feel bad for not being at the airport to send you off to States the other day, but on the other hand i'm happy cause i know i made you proud, & i kept my promise. As i promised you, i'll be a good girl, go to school, study hard, make you proud. I did it. :) Thankyou for being there when i needed you the most. Thankyou for helping me to go through all those tough times in life. Thankyou for always being able to make me laugh like as if i have no problems, etc. Everything & anything for you. You know that you can lean on me. I'll forever be by your side. You'll always be my dear sis & i'll always be your lil baby sis :) As your baby sis, i know i can't do much. But do know no matter how far you are, or i am, you can count on me. Ring me up, Facebook message me, text me to go on skype. I'll be there anytime. Last but not least, PLEASE PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. All the best in everything you do. Don't let your circumstances, problems, etc affect you alright. Be good, stay safe, party hard, study smart. I love you ♥

It's almost the end of August. And what's next? Another month. I hope it'll be a good month. PLEASE BE. Well, August wasn't an easy month for me. Tell me, who loves goodbyes? I'm pretty sure, no one right? But hey, this month I had to bid goodbye to 3 important people in my life which is my dear sis @Afina, my close best friend @William & dear brother @David. These 3 people are people who mean the world to me. They're really impacted me. I've known them since forever. And this month, they're leaving M'sia. Afina's flying back to States to continue studying after her summer break. And she won't be back for 2 years. Yeah, you may say 2 year's pretty short, and time flies really quick, but well, it isn't. Oh well, what can i do about it? I can't do anything, but live with it. Anyways, i'll miss you jie ): Be good. I love you! :) Moving on to William, he already flew back to Laos, & i really wanna thank you for always being there to hear me out of my problems, give me advices, and always backing me up no matter what. I really do appreciate you. HAHA. I'm pretty sure i'll miss your lame jokes. Thank god for social networks these day, it'll be easier for us to keep in touch & contact each other :) But one thing for sure, i'll miss your presence here. Tell me, who wont? Your lame jokes are contagious. Lmao. Make sure you come back in December! :D Last but not least, the rockstar David. I'm really proud to see you succeed in life at such a young age & becoming who you are today. And now you're leaving to US to study, I wish you all the best. Btw, CONGRATS ON YOUR ACCEPTANCE TO BERKLEE UNIVERSITY. I know you can do it, continue making us proud of you. We've grown up together & you've really been a blessing to me, and surely many others. And that's what makes it harder for me to say goodbye to you ): No matter what, you know i'll miss you. Take care. ♥

P/s ; I don't know how to say goodbye to you. I'm not good at things I don't want to do.

Well, i use to love memories alot, especially when the person who were in my memories are still here with me. But right now, i pretty much hate memories, because it kills me to see & know that the people who were in my memories are now gone. I repeat, GONE. There's nothing i can do no more. Let's take my grandma for example, she's gone. She's in heaven. All that's left are memories. And no matter what i do, i can no longer bring her back. I'll just let these memories not only with my grandma, but people too kill me deep inside. Kay bye.

What's left of us, in me

So here we are, after all this time.

I’m lost, empty and scared.

Everything was easier when i was with you, but now, now everything is different, everything is changing.

We’re still friends, but it’s not the same.

You don’t care about me like before.

I thought our love was different, i thought it was one of a kind, i guess i was wrong.

Being without you it’s useless.

I don’t cry about it, not anymore, but i still think about it. I still think about you, love.

We might have lied, we might have hidden things, but our love was real, as real as it gets.

It got into peoples skin, our love touched everyone beside us.

Smiling was different, laughing was different, living was different.

This is me, one year older, a little stronger, a little braver, a little less naive.

This is me telling everyone, the one thing i want the world to know.

I miss you.

And sometimes; i need you.

But I’m stronger now, i can manage to go a week without talking to you.

I can handle living without you.

But i'd rather be empty, than full of fakeness.

I’m starting to wonder who i can really trust.

Everyone has dirty little secrets, everyone lies, everyone is fake, everyone is mean.

I’m sick, sick of everything, sick of people preteding to be your friends and just leaving you when you need them the most.

I’m sick of people complaining,when it’s THEIR fault.

I’m not saying i’m perfect, but i am honest.

When i say something, i mean it; and right now i’m sick.

I’m tired of everyone being fake to the bone.

No one is true to theirself, i don’t know why, i can’t understand it.

Who can you trust?

I’m finding myself lost, lonely and desperate.

I’m fighting with everyone, i’m empty.

But i rather be empty, than be full of fakeness.

You were the king of my castle

I’m mad, so mad.

I always thought everyone would dissapoint me sooner or later, everyone but you, that is.

You were always the one who i loved the most, and you knew it.

You took advantage of it, i used to live in this castle, and you were in it, you had every single key, you were the king to my castle, but you didn’t care.

You knew i could never kick you out of my castle, you knew i loved you too much.

But i’m putting an end to your tyranny, i have to.

I can’t live like this anymore, i used to accept everything, just because it was you.

I was used to it, i was used to being used, being stepped on.

until one day someone told me to stand up to whoever was using me, to confront whoever was being a bad friend, that someone was you, king.

I’m afraid because i need you, but i know i can’t live like this much longer.

I have to make you realize, friendships are work.

I’m doing this for YOU, someone needs to open your eyes, someone needs to make you understand.

I just hope you will.

It was nice , but it wasnt gonna last forever

I knew it was going to end, but i kept hoping.

Everything ends, sooner or later, i was ready; i was ready for a heartbreak,at least i thought i was.

‘this is nice, but it isn’t going to last forever’ that’s what i kept telling myself, that’s what i thought.

But I’m starting to realize ‘this’ might never end.

We might be with other people, we might think we don’t love eachother, but ‘this’, ‘this’ is not going away.

‘this’ is not dissapearing; you might not think about it, you might forget about it, but ‘this’ will always be a part of you, this will always live in your heart.

So here i am, back to the roots of this jurney.

I want to forget, i try to forget, but i will never forget.

It’s a vicious circle, and I can’t get enough of it, because, this is what’s really left of me and you.

I need you now

Like the old days, we are back to the old days.

You never fail to dissapoint, at some point, between the madness, and our careless ways we found our way back.

I was afraid, so afraid.

Now i can’t help but smile, everything is back, the world is back in order.

But is this healty? Is our friendship healty?

We destroy eachother, we don’t have half ways; and i can’t help but wonder how long will it take for us, to autocombust.

I’m afraid. I feel like a little kid when he is on his first rollercoster, scared, exited, confused, happy.

I’m filled with emotions.

Forget rationality, forget the mind, I’m going all in.

And even thought I might get our of this rollercoster, destroyed, i know it’s worth it.

You hurt other people, but i know you wouldn’t do that to me.

You loved me the most.

But can time, destroy something so special?

Can time actually destroy love?

The only place we're in peace is in our dreams

That crazy feeling i had when i looked at you, i want that back.

You dissapeared from my life, little by little, day by day.

It wasn’t fair, day by day we got further from eachother.

If we wanted to talk we had to scream.

The only place where we are in peace it’s in my dreams.

You are a coward, you didn’t want to hurt me so you just left slowly.

You didn’t say goodbye, and you won’t admit you left.

The truth is, you were, or maybe you still are, one of the most important people in my life.

I gave you all i had, but you didn’t care.

My love was trivial to you.

But i was there, through it all, not because you asked me to, but because i knew you needed me.

Apparently i wasn’t enough.

I’m sorry, i wasn’t enough for you.

Can you feel it?

I was there, alone for the first time.

It was me against the world, i had never felt so alive.

I was happy to be alone, even if i missed you, i thought i had to be alone.

Then out of nowhere, you came and standed next to me;

right when i thought you had left me, you came back into my life.

Speachless, you never ment to leave me alone.

Right then i realized no one deserves to be alone.

I looked at you, your aura was flawless, as always.

And right then, when i was admiring you, you came into me;

like the old times, you got under my skin.

Now, can you feel it? can you feel we are getting back what we lost.

One day at the time, we are getting closer and closer, we are destroying the walls we had built.

Your voice starts to lullabies me again, and i feel safe.

I feel like a little kid when he sees his mother.

I feel like a traveler, when he gets home.

Nostalgia, happyness, and other feelings to strong to describe, that’s what my heart is full off.

Welcome to my hell.

Welcome to my hell.

Where your friends are the fakest people in this earth, where having a boyfriend make you a whore and lying is like drinking water.

Welcome to the fairytale world everyone wants to live in, this is the ‘in’ group;

where everyone hates everyone, people cheat, betray and ignore anyone that is not worthy.

Welcome, everyone already knows you, you don’t need to be introduced.

Show off your new bag, honey.

Sell it, just like you sold yourself the day you joined my hell.

Your name now tells a story, you can either be the bitch, the slut, the fat whore, the stupid one or maybe if you get lucky you can be the innocent one.

No matter who you are everyone will fall in love with you, but you’ll like only him, the one guy who is offlimits, your bestfriend’s boyfriend;

but don’t worry, by that time your morals will be bend, so you’ll go for it, and surprisingly enough you will lose.

After a few months, your new best friend will steal him from you, and you’ll be empty.

Don’t worry, you can just fill your life with gossip, that’s what you do anyway.

It’s a viscious circle, and we are never going to escape, the few that do get destroyed, so stay in this hell.

It’s better to stay than to leave.

This is what everyone wants, this is what i would give away any second.

But i can’t i’m in too deap, i have a reputation to maintain.

Smile, wave, fix your hair; remember you are the innocent one.