Behind my smile is a hurting heart. Behind my laugh, I'm falling apart. Look closely at me and you will see, the girl I am isn't me. To tell you the truth, I've just been avoiding everything. There is only one rain cloud in the sky and it's raining on me. Somehow I'm not surprised. I wake up and think dreams are real. I sleep so I don't have to feel. I don't know if you've ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years, or just not exist, or just not be aware that you do exist, or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That's why I'm trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning. Always looking happy, every single day, but inside she's feeling a different way. I didn't want to admit it. It was easier to lie. Hide the hurt and emptiness to smile instead of cry. Behind my smile is everything you'll never understand. Sometimes I wish I could just be a little kid again. So when life gets tough you can just play pretend. I wanna go back to when Santa did exist. When Disney World was the best place to be. When the only movies you could see were rated G. When your biggest problem was learning to write your name and people didn't change and your friends were the same. And every time you were sad or you had a bad day. You could just run to mommy and it would all be okay. I wanna go back to no hurt and no pain just laughter. When everyone alwayslives happily ever after. When I cry at night, the only thing I can think to myself is how can I seem so perfectly fine in the morning. Why do I smile like nothing is wrong? And how does not one single person notice that I'm not okay? I wanna get lost from my life sometimes, sit on the side and watch the world go by, I wanna get lost and I don't know why. I'm not saying I have nothing. I'm not saying I'm gone completely. It's just sometimes it's all a bit too much to handle. Sometimes I feel like it's too much. I'm not going to do anything stupid because I know it will get better, it has to right? Otherwise there wouldn't be anyone who would live past their teenage years. But for now, just for now, it hurts.

well , it's really really hard for me to adapt to this new environment ! everything's different :\ i need strength to go through all this , i can't do this on my own :\ i've been staying in my previous house for these 13 yrs of my life , & now what i have to do is shift out to somewhere else . It's like " i lost a part of me " The memories & all the times i've been in my previous house is what makes me so reluctant to leave . I just don't want to leave , but what can i do ? I CAN'T CHANGE A THING , all i can do is live with it :) I'm smilling but i'm close to tears , and i'm in tears actually :\ I'm gonna stop blogging now ! Toodles

It seems like just the other day when we were all talking about my farewell as i move on to somewhere . I remember thinking that it would be hard to say goodbye , and I was right , it is hard . Yet I consider myself fortunate to have met such special & awesome bunch of people , people that i care so much about , that it makes saying goodbye so hard ! As i say goodbye, i remind myself that farewells are not forever, nor are they the end. They are simply words to say that i will miss you people dearly and that i will remember you all fondly. Although we may be separated by time and distance in the interim, nothing will diminish the important role that you people have and always will play in my life . I wish you guys happy adventures , fantastic new friendships , great results , amazing experiences and the journey of a lifetime . Richard Bach says , " Can miles truly separate you from friends ? If you want to be with someone you love , aren't you already there ? " And so it is and always will be with you as i carry you always close to my heart . May the road rise up to meet you , may the wind be ever at your back . May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rain fall softly on your fields. And until we meet again, may God hold you in the hollow of his hand :) P/S - this is too all my dear friends whom i met this year , 2010 from SMK TJ 2 :D

you see , all of us has only ONE LIFE TO LIVE :) Life is like a coin . You can spend it any way you wish , but you only spend it once . So why not spend it WISELY & then when it's time to leave this earth , you'll leave here without any REGRETS ?

Before someone's tomorrow has been taken away, cherish those you love , appreciate them today . We need to appreciate the people we have today because they may not be here tomorrow . Our time on this Earth is limited , and when we leave it is not up to us . Most of the time , there aren't warnings to tell you your time is limited . Everyone should appreciate those in their lives because they may not be around tomorrow .

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is bliss, taste it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.

hmm , well everything's gonna be different for me in just a few weeks or maybe days :\ everything's gonna freaking change , and i don't want in to happen but what can i do ? there's nothing i can do :\ well , i'll just have to face it , deal with it & try being happy with it :)) but i freaking don't want to :(

There's this one song that kinda describes how i'll feel when i leave in a week's time :\

Bruno Mars - Long Distance :\

There's only so many songs

That I can sing to pass the time
And I'm running out of things to do
To get you off my mind
Ooohh, no

All i have is this picture in a frame
That I hold close to see your face every day

With you is where I'd rather be
But we're stuck where we are
And it's so hard, you're so far
This long distance is killing me
I wish that you were here with me
But we're stuck where we are
And it's so hard, you're so far
This long distance is killing me

It's so hard,it's so hard
Where we are,where we are
You're so far, this long distance is killing me
It's so hard,it's so hard
Where we are,where we are
You're so far, this long distance is killing me

Now the minutes feel like hours
And the hours feel like days
While I'm away
You know right now I can't be home
But I'm coming home soon, coming home soon

All i have is this picture in a frame
That I hold close to see your face again

With you is where I'd rather be
But we're stuck where we are
And it's so hard, you're so far
This long distance is killing me
I wish that you were here with me
But we're stuck where we are
And it's so hard, you're so far

Can you hear me crying?
Can you hear me crying?
Can you hear me crying?

With you is where I'd rather be
But we're stuck where we are
And it's so hard, you're so far
This long distance is killing me
I wish that you were here with me
But we're stuck where we are
And it's so hard, you're so far
This long distance is killing me

It's so hard,it's so hard
Where we are,where we are
You're so far, this long distance is killing me
It's so hard, it's so hard
Where we are,where we are
You're so far, this long distance is killing me

There's only so many songs
That I can sing to pass the time.

Tomorrow's the day, the day where my dear sister's gonna go back to States after her 3 months summer break. I'm gonna miss her, really much. Who's gonna be the one who's gonna be there for me? Cuddling me when i cry. Hahah i'll remember that forever. Who's gonna whack me for fun when i " piss " her off? Who's gonna go crazy with me? Who's gonna make me laugh like no one could ever do so? Who's gonna bully me? Who? Tell me? For these 2 years that she's gonna be gone. ): Sigh. Yeah, it kills me when i think of all these. And yeah, i'm crying while typing this. Time, why do you have to be so cruel? Why can't you just stop? And let me rewind all these happy moments? Why? Why must you keep forcing me to move forward? Well, no matter how much i rant it out here, it ain't gonna change a thing that she's flying off tomorrow. I really hope to send you off tomorrow, but i can't. I have school, as i promised you i'll be your good lil baby sis & go to school. The fact that she's leaving in about 15 hours really makes me break down in tears. Anyways, i just want you to thank you for being there when i needed you the most and helping me through all those tough times in life. Let good times become good memories, & bad times become good lessons. Everything for you. You know that you can lean on me. Forever by your side. You always be my dear sis.

sorry for leaving my blog so dead , well i'm blogging now to make up for the past one :D most of it are gonna pictures , cause i guess it'll explain it all , first of all i went to stay in my uncle's house , so we went out , to Pavilion , Farenheit 88 & a few other places , then we watched Rapunzel in 3D too ;D

Hey , sorry for leaving my blog so dead , i was too lazy to blog :)

Okay , i shall start , as you know we're all having our year end holidays here , or what you call summer holidays if you're overseas , so yeeah , it's really really B O R E D for me .

Well , i'm under Paramore state now :) i'm listening to paramore songs all day , and i kept doing headbanging . Who's with me ? :) Tmr's gonna be my fashion show , i hope i'll do fine as i'm really nervous now . I shall stop blogging now . Toodles :D

hmm , today was my last day of school :)

i guess what i wanna say has already been said on facebook , the notes & posts :D

HAHA , well i just thank you guys once more for making 2010 such an awesome & memorable year for me :) you guys will never be forgotten :D

love you all truckloads ♥

Last Day Of School :)

Hello Bloggers :)

Goodmorning !

I think today's my last day of school =\

All the best, people !

Move on too :)

I'm leaving the school & this place also to go somewhere else .

Enjoy school next year , and to all FORM 2's this year , ALL THE BEST FOR PMR , next year :)

For all FORM 1's this year , GOOD LUCK for form 2 next year :)

well done bitch , you've screwed up my life .

hmmm , really PEOPLE CHANGEEE =\ a few months back , we were like really good friends , it's like we just can't live without each other , but hey , everything changed . we used to be so close , we laugh , we talk & we do absolutely everything together in school , but not anymore now , she changed , so i had to move on , so i changed too . she started changing a little bit last week but this week's one of my worst week , we're like complete strangers , we pass by each other without even a " hey " , a smile or even look at each other , we won't even sit a metre close to each other , we just won't do anything we did before . well , now i finally found out that she's a faker , a betrayer & a real B**CH ! You are not as bad as people say , you are much , much worse . Don't you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without you putting in so much effort to give us another ? Bitches smile in my face and act all friendly and then they walk away with hate and hearts full of envy , People these days are too fake . they say , “ i’m always here for you! ” b***h , please ! give me a break . take advantage of me . the only thought i get of you sickens me . everybody knows you’re fake. you’re everything i freaking hate and i’m everything you could never be. someone asked me if i knew you . i just laughed and said i used to . i don’t understand how people can change this much. one day they’re all you can have and the next, they’re a stranger to you. i can’t look you in the eye anymore because i no longer know who’s looking back . never say you lost a friend because if a friendship is capable of ending, it never even existed . and i’m not a stranger to learning it the hard way . and in ten years when we pass each other on the street i’ll turn my head and pretend i didn’t see you . but just remember that i am proud of who you’ve become . the day our friendship died it became so clear that in life , we have to learn to keep the memories and lose the people who helped us make them .

well , i went to school today though i already hated that freaking school cause of some FREAKING B****ES, but i still had to go , to return my books -__- okay , i went there then had assembly as usual then i had english , but i didn't enter the class , i went to look for the teacher in charge to return my books to them , i waited for like 1 hour then only the teacher came -.- thank goodness , i had my two awesome friends with me , Nur Izzati Sabrina & Nur Elishafiqah :) Thanks for being there for me ! Okay , all we did there was talk talk talk & talk , HAHA , but we really enjoyed ourselves huh ? :) Then after returning the books , i had to pay like 12 bucks , cause i didn't wrap the books , but it was okay , i did it on purposee :) THAT'S ME , IF YOU DON'T FREAKING LIKE ME THEN GET LOST :) After that , i had to go look for some other teachers to ask them to give me the documents i need in order to shift school , i got some only , there's still some left , cause my class teacher didn't turn up . As i really really FREAKING HATE that school now , so i went to look for my brother cause we both wanted to come home :) as i was walking half way , like 2 mins out of school i met my mum so she brought us home , and here i am to blog .

If only paracetamol could bring my pain away , i'd swallow a whole bottle down :) But still , that's only a temporary thing -__-

would you just like stop liking my stufss on facebook ? get your own stuff -.- screw you , i've never ever liked you even from day 1 :) so get a life , i can delete you anytime i want , but i just don't want to , so stop making me delete you -__- R E T A R D !

I need chocolates , they make me happy :) <3 well , the smile up there doesn't look genuine right ? ;) but oh well , at least i stil smiled

Screw You -__-

can i get your picture? i collect natural disasters. b***hes stare and make a fuss. one question , jealous much? envy me , rate me , bottom line : you ain’t me. hating on me? girl , i’m mad friendly . like fat joe said , “jealous ones still envy.” it’s amazing the clarity that comes with psychotic jealousy. you talk it . i live it. you're jealous. admit it. you act like you hate but my style you’re stealing. b**ch, you don’t hate; that’s envy you’re feeling. the dirty looks, the jealous stares, the best part is you think i care. look at me , look at you . now tell me , who envies who. jealousy? i expect that but don’t stress that. making you envy me is what i’m best at. jealousy is the greatest compliment & its a disease , get well soon ;D

P/S - to all you jealous bitches who's be hating on my crew, we’re gonna let it slide because if we looked like you then we would hate us too ;)
P/S/S - i wrote it myself , tell me what you think of it ;D

Today was awesome :)
Woke up at 5 , took shower & then got ready to go to Genting .
I left my house at 6.30 . I'm going there cause my mum's bringing all her form 3 students to Bukit Tinggi , then my mum dropped me alone at Genting cause i didn't wanna joi them . I reached there at , 8 something then i wandered around till 11 something then i took a cab to join my mum & her students in Bukit Tinggi , Berjaya Hills :)
Wow , it was really awesome , sorry cause i didn't really get to take nice pictures , cause i didn't bring my camera , all i brought was my phone , so yeah , only 3.2 megapixels , so what do you expect right ? I went there , then met them and followed them to the Japanese Tea House , Botanical Garden , Colmar Tropicale & then Rabbit Farm :) It was nice though , i loved Colmar Tropical the most ♥ After that , we left there at 4 something , then yeah , reached home just a few minutes ago & i'm here to blog :)
Pictures will be uploaded soon on Facebook , i'll post some here too ;D
Toddles ♥

Love is rare, life is strange, nothing lasts, people change :)

Hello , i won't be going to school tmr ;D
Don't miss me , yeah :)
Treat like i never existed :)
Okay , i'll be going to somewhere tmr .
I'm going there cause i really need a break =\
I'm sick & tired .

DANG ! Confirmed leaving here on the 26th of this month =\ Gotta start packing -__- *Sigh , how do you feel when you just start packing to leave for somewhere with lots & lots of thoughts runnninggg through your head ? ._. I wish i could have a time machine with me :O

Da da da'd da da
Da da da'd da da
Da da da'd da da da da

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreamin' of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray

Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I prayed I could breakaway

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway

Da da da'd da da
Da da da'd da da
Da da da'd da da da da

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get on board a fast train
Travel on a jetplane, far away
And breakaway

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
I won't forget all the ones that I love
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging round revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me
But, gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye, gotta
Take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway

Breakaway
Breakaway...

Hmmm , i wonder why has this song been playing in my head for the whole day today ._.

Hmm , today's monday !
As usual , there's school & it's the second last week of school , then holidays are here & i'll be leaving ;'( Well , today wasn't a very good or bad day , it was just moderate :) school was B O R I N G , but it was still okay , as i had to go around the school to look for teachers to sign some documents , i need in order to shift =\ Then i got my results too . You think i'm smart , NAH , you're definitely wrong :) I got back my science , history & bm paper today , to tell you the TRUTH , i was really upset with my results , but it's my fault for not studying properly -__- okay , i got 70 for science , 82 for history , & 85 for bm =\ Hmmm , i'm not that smart , huh :) Okay , i think i shall stop here , lazy to continue blogging , sorry yeah ;) Toddles ♥

hey bloggers :)
i'm back to blogging ;D
i hope you guys'll like my blog .

Xoxo , y k y l m :)