Behind my smile is a hurting heart. Behind my laugh, I'm falling apart. Look closely at me and you will see, the girl I am isn't me. To tell you the truth, I've just been avoiding everything. There is only one rain cloud in the sky and it's raining on me. Somehow I'm not surprised. I wake up and think dreams are real. I sleep so I don't have to feel. I don't know if you've ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years, or just not exist, or just not be aware that you do exist, or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That's why I'm trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning. Always looking happy, every single day, but inside she's feeling a different way. I didn't want to admit it. It was easier to lie. Hide the hurt and emptiness to smile instead of cry. Behind my smile is everything you'll never understand. Sometimes I wish I could just be a little kid again. So when life gets tough you can just play pretend. I wanna go back to when Santa did exist. When Disney World was the best place to be. When the only movies you could see were rated G. When your biggest problem was learning to write your name and people didn't change and your friends were the same. And every time you were sad or you had a bad day. You could just run to mommy and it would all be okay. I wanna go back to no hurt and no pain just laughter. When everyone alwayslives happily ever after. When I cry at night, the only thing I can think to myself is how can I seem so perfectly fine in the morning. Why do I smile like nothing is wrong? And how does not one single person notice that I'm not okay? I wanna get lost from my life sometimes, sit on the side and watch the world go by, I wanna get lost and I don't know why. I'm not saying I have nothing. I'm not saying I'm gone completely. It's just sometimes it's all a bit too much to handle. Sometimes I feel like it's too much. I'm not going to do anything stupid because I know it will get better, it has to right? Otherwise there wouldn't be anyone who would live past their teenage years. But for now, just for now, it hurts.

well , it's really really hard for me to adapt to this new environment ! everything's different :\ i need strength to go through all this , i can't do this on my own :\ i've been staying in my previous house for these 13 yrs of my life , & now what i have to do is shift out to somewhere else . It's like " i lost a part of me " The memories & all the times i've been in my previous house is what makes me so reluctant to leave . I just don't want to leave , but what can i do ? I CAN'T CHANGE A THING , all i can do is live with it :) I'm smilling but i'm close to tears , and i'm in tears actually :\ I'm gonna stop blogging now ! Toodles

It seems like just the other day when we were all talking about my farewell as i move on to somewhere . I remember thinking that it would be hard to say goodbye , and I was right , it is hard . Yet I consider myself fortunate to have met such special & awesome bunch of people , people that i care so much about , that it makes saying goodbye so hard ! As i say goodbye, i remind myself that farewells are not forever, nor are they the end. They are simply words to say that i will miss you people dearly and that i will remember you all fondly. Although we may be separated by time and distance in the interim, nothing will diminish the important role that you people have and always will play in my life . I wish you guys happy adventures , fantastic new friendships , great results , amazing experiences and the journey of a lifetime . Richard Bach says , " Can miles truly separate you from friends ? If you want to be with someone you love , aren't you already there ? " And so it is and always will be with you as i carry you always close to my heart . May the road rise up to meet you , may the wind be ever at your back . May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rain fall softly on your fields. And until we meet again, may God hold you in the hollow of his hand :) P/S - this is too all my dear friends whom i met this year , 2010 from SMK TJ 2 :D

you see , all of us has only ONE LIFE TO LIVE :) Life is like a coin . You can spend it any way you wish , but you only spend it once . So why not spend it WISELY & then when it's time to leave this earth , you'll leave here without any REGRETS ?

Before someone's tomorrow has been taken away, cherish those you love , appreciate them today . We need to appreciate the people we have today because they may not be here tomorrow . Our time on this Earth is limited , and when we leave it is not up to us . Most of the time , there aren't warnings to tell you your time is limited . Everyone should appreciate those in their lives because they may not be around tomorrow .

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is bliss, taste it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.

hmm , well everything's gonna be different for me in just a few weeks or maybe days :\ everything's gonna freaking change , and i don't want in to happen but what can i do ? there's nothing i can do :\ well , i'll just have to face it , deal with it & try being happy with it :)) but i freaking don't want to :(

There's this one song that kinda describes how i'll feel when i leave in a week's time :\

Bruno Mars - Long Distance :\

There's only so many songs

That I can sing to pass the time
And I'm running out of things to do
To get you off my mind
Ooohh, no

All i have is this picture in a frame
That I hold close to see your face every day

With you is where I'd rather be
But we're stuck where we are
And it's so hard, you're so far
This long distance is killing me
I wish that you were here with me
But we're stuck where we are
And it's so hard, you're so far
This long distance is killing me

It's so hard,it's so hard
Where we are,where we are
You're so far, this long distance is killing me
It's so hard,it's so hard
Where we are,where we are
You're so far, this long distance is killing me

Now the minutes feel like hours
And the hours feel like days
While I'm away
You know right now I can't be home
But I'm coming home soon, coming home soon

All i have is this picture in a frame
That I hold close to see your face again

With you is where I'd rather be
But we're stuck where we are
And it's so hard, you're so far
This long distance is killing me
I wish that you were here with me
But we're stuck where we are
And it's so hard, you're so far

Can you hear me crying?
Can you hear me crying?
Can you hear me crying?

With you is where I'd rather be
But we're stuck where we are
And it's so hard, you're so far
This long distance is killing me
I wish that you were here with me
But we're stuck where we are
And it's so hard, you're so far
This long distance is killing me

It's so hard,it's so hard
Where we are,where we are
You're so far, this long distance is killing me
It's so hard, it's so hard
Where we are,where we are
You're so far, this long distance is killing me

There's only so many songs
That I can sing to pass the time.

Tomorrow's the day, the day where my dear sister's gonna go back to States after her 3 months summer break. I'm gonna miss her, really much. Who's gonna be the one who's gonna be there for me? Cuddling me when i cry. Hahah i'll remember that forever. Who's gonna whack me for fun when i " piss " her off? Who's gonna go crazy with me? Who's gonna make me laugh like no one could ever do so? Who's gonna bully me? Who? Tell me? For these 2 years that she's gonna be gone. ): Sigh. Yeah, it kills me when i think of all these. And yeah, i'm crying while typing this. Time, why do you have to be so cruel? Why can't you just stop? And let me rewind all these happy moments? Why? Why must you keep forcing me to move forward? Well, no matter how much i rant it out here, it ain't gonna change a thing that she's flying off tomorrow. I really hope to send you off tomorrow, but i can't. I have school, as i promised you i'll be your good lil baby sis & go to school. The fact that she's leaving in about 15 hours really makes me break down in tears. Anyways, i just want you to thank you for being there when i needed you the most and helping me through all those tough times in life. Let good times become good memories, & bad times become good lessons. Everything for you. You know that you can lean on me. Forever by your side. You always be my dear sis.

sorry for leaving my blog so dead , well i'm blogging now to make up for the past one :D most of it are gonna pictures , cause i guess it'll explain it all , first of all i went to stay in my uncle's house , so we went out , to Pavilion , Farenheit 88 & a few other places , then we watched Rapunzel in 3D too ;D