You're a teenager. You are far from perfect, yet beautiful. You're going to screw up. You're going to change. You're going to lose friends. You're going to gain friends. You're going to keep friends. You're going to learn who your true friends are. You're gonna feel heartbroken. You're gonna feel dead. Then there are the times you feel so alive. You are absolutely beautiful through all of this. And even though being a teenager is seriously the biggest thing we all have to overcome, we can make it through these years with a smile. Just promise me you'll try. Because you're beautiful. And believe it or not, you are worth something. You're worth the whole world. Dear whoever is reading this... I love you. You, The girl who's lost hope. You, The gorgeous boy who is afraid to be who you are. And you, With the brilliant smile. You are the most spectacular person in the world. Don't throw that away. Please. So you want to be happy? Then stop letting the smallest stuff ruin your whole entire day. If you're bored with you daily routine, do something unexpected. Stop complaining about how alone you are when you're surrounded by people that actually care about you. Forget about all the drama, let go of the grudges you've been holding and live your life like there's no tomorrow. Take a risk. Just allow yourself to be happy for once, because you deserve it.

Cny is never Cny without you.

Today's Chinese New Year's Eve, it also means a day where we have reunion dinner. I feel really nostalgic. These bittersweet memories just flash across my mind. It kills me, yeah like the saying goes memories, they break us. It's been almost 6 years that my grandma left us to join Jesus in heaven, nevertheless she has never be forgotten, and she's also dearly missed. I can still clearly recall those times during Cny eve, that she'll be busy preparing those really scrumptious dishes, a variety of them too, and not to forget she'll fry those prawn crackers & etc. I trully miss those times with her. She hasn't been with us for 5 Cny and no matter how great it is, it'll never be the same without her, because no one can be compared to her. She'll always be in my heart, every Cny i'll think of her, during the tea ceremonies, visitation, & just how much joy & excitement that she has brought to the family. I remember whenever she was around during the Cny she would do the preparations a month ahead, and i'll be really excited too. And i realize affter she's gone, those excitement just starts fading, slowly. The conclusion is, it doesn't feel like Cny without my hero, my grandma. Grandma, Happy Cny. I know you can't see whatever i posted here, but i just want you to know that, Cny will never be the same without you, I miss you, really & I do love you. I hope you'll be really proud of me when you look down from heaven, and you see all your sons, daughters, grandchildren, come together this Cny & carry out our family's tradition. Much love, your granddaughter.

Sucide.

So you want to kill yourself?
Because no one cares about you. Your family hates you. Right?
No.
Think about your parents walking in your room in the morning to only find a dead body.
You think they won't care?
They will. And they'll try their hardest to not think negative, and to just think that you're fooling around.
Then they'll start shaking you. Why aren't you breathing?
They'll be broken. Tears. Many tears. More tears than you ever shed.
Was it them? Were they the reason you did this? More tears. Pain. Every day. Every night. Every single second of every day. Guilt. More guilt.
What about your bestfriends? They're not going to care. Right?
No.
What's the first thing that will go through their mind when your principal comes in and tells the class that you're not alive. While your bestfriend sits there in tears.
That girl that you'd smile at but never talk to? She's now crying.
The boy who used to kick you under the table just to annoy you?
He'll be shocked. He'll be devastated. He'll blame himself.
What about your teacher?
Thoughts crossing her mind. She'll question if you did it because she didn't make school comfortable enough for you.
Pain. Devastation. All in one.
Who organises your funeral?
Who has to go through your stuff? Clothes? Notes?
Those few older girls who used to give you daggers at school?
They'll feel regret.
They'll blame themselves.
See, if you killed yourself today, you'll never know what might of happened tomorrow.
You'll never know because you're dead.
Plain dead. Not breathing. Not alive. Just dead.
Your family hates themselves for it.
Your bestfriend then falls into depression.
Tears. Tears. More tears than a river.
All because you killed yourself because you thought no one would care.
Right?
You are loved. By many.
Someone right now is thinking of you.
And right now, I'm thinking about anyone who has thought or is considering suicide.
You are beautiful.
No matter if you're black, white, gay, tall, short, overweight or anorexic.
You are beautiful.
You want to kill yourself?
Think about it first. There's no coming back.
And I promise, if you do it, you are not only hurting yourself, you are hurting many.
You are creating more tears than you led yourself to.
You are making everyone miserable and making them all feel guilt and pain.
Never will they feel whole like they used to when they had you.
You. Are.Beautiful.
And you are never ever
alone.