19 June :')

19 June 2006, 12.30 am was the date when i lost someone very very precious to me, that's my grandma. Yes, i was devastated, etc. Today marks her fifth year death anniversary. You may think that i got over it long time ago, but no i'm still learning to let go bit by bit. Talking about moving on? Hmmm, i'll never be able to. She'll forever be in heart & mind. She's a part of me, my life. How can i forget her? Therefore i never will :) One thing i regret most was not telling her i love her, because i didn't knew that she would leave so soon. But at least i gave her my last hug, and then she looked in to my eyes and told me not to cry & then she passed away peacefully. It's still playing in my mind. If i knew the last time that i hugged you was the last time, i would hold you and never let go. I really thank god for her. I learnt so much from her, & i am who i am today because of her too. I wouldnt wanna trade her for any other person on this earth. If i could just spend my whole life with her, i would. But now, i dont have the chance anymore. All i can do is, look at her photos, recall her speaking to me & etc. I miss her, everything about her, i really really do. Ever experience losing someone who's a part of your life? Who was as close to you as your hands & feet? Hmm. Many times, i wish i could bring her back. But now little did i realize that by bringing her back, i'm actually being selfish, cause she would have to suffer all over again, i can still freshly recall how she battled cancer. Everything she told me, every lesson i learnt. It'll forever be in my memory. She's one of the toughest person i ever knew. She's my inspiration, my hope, someone who gives me security, love & etc. Tears will never bring her back. There's only one thing i can do, live my life on earth & make her proud. Therefore i'm gonna do that, no matter what it takes. I'm never gonna give up, cause she's my strength. Now that i know she's in a better & happier place, i should be happy for her too :") Hmm, well enough of blogging i guess, toddles. Btw, HAPPY FATHER'S DAY all you super daddys out there :)